I must complete 17 news or pop culture themed haikus in two weeks. Cannot explain. Enjoy.
Rob Ford
Mayor Ford you crackhead
Inhale, wobble, no control
Unprofessional
I must complete 17 news or pop culture themed haikus in two weeks. Cannot explain. Enjoy.
Rob Ford
Mayor Ford you crackhead
Inhale, wobble, no control
Unprofessional
Bumper stickers annoy me. I would like to say “I don’t know why!” but in truth I do. They are the Twitter for the simple. They are single-thought-tweets that someone wrote and slapped on sticky politicized paper that some OTHER person saw, decided that it exemplified their most poignant thought, then slapped on their own car. I had one, once. It was purchased when I was 22. It said “the more people I meet, the more I like my cat.”. It was and is 100% true. I picked it up for $5 and stuck it on the bumper of my 1988 silver Chevy Sprint. I took it off within a year realizing it was dopey.
What I do not get is a person’s desire to drive around all day bragging, because that is what it is, that they support a cause or feel a certain way about something inane or have been somewhere on vacation.
I’ve been to Florida!
Kids with (insert disease) aren’t odd, they are extra interesting!
Vote the way I do!
Eat at Joe’s
Do people really think that me reading their bumper will say “yes, I will feel that way now/eat there, vote that way/stop feeling bad for kids with schistosomiasis…? Really? Or is it just a way of saying “I’m better than you because….” Which is wholly laughable as you rarely if ever see a bumper sticker on a Jaguar.
Equally irritating. “Baby on Board” hangy things and window stickers. Why? I ask again, why? Do you beli eve that I will refrain from driving unsafely around your minivan because I see this? Perhaps it is more self serving. I have kids. They were all babies. They made me insane. Maybe you are just hoping people won’t honk near your vehicle and thereby ruin the only peace and quiet you have managed to eak out all week. Guess what? Makes me want to honk more. There is no way a mere sticker is affording you something I haven’t had in 23 years.
Finally, the epitome of tacky and ridiculous, “stick figure family” stickers. I see them and I dislike you. Why I ask again, why do you feel the need to advertise how many kids and pets you have and all of their assorted hobbies? Gee. Little girl thinks she is a fairy princess. Little boy plays a variety of sports. Oh look a baby with a baby sized hockey stick. There is dad with a cell phone and golf clubs. There is mom, holding up the stereotypes with a frying pan in one hand and one of those stupid foam “#1″ booster hand things. Why? Are you bragging, because few single people will ever look at this and say “success! I want what they have!” Most people who do not take part in this idiocy simply look and say “boring people who couldn’t find fatter stickers that look more like them”. Even more lame are people who have no family and try to make it look like they and their dog or cat(s) are a family. Why… Why I ask you.
The more people I meet the more I like my cat…
News flash. Michael Jackson WAS a creepy freak:
http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/23/showbiz/jackson-death-trial/index.html?hpt=hp_t3
My sister, my late sister, (she was never on time, but now “late” refers to deceased in case you were wondering) always had a habit of pissing people off by simply stating her mind. My middle son has this same filter-less brain affliction that my wife and I put up with day in day out. Essentially, you think something, you speak said thing, people get annoyed.
One day in public school, my sister spoke her mind. To this day I am unsure what she said, who she said it to or what the circumstances were but I do know that it occurred around the big maple tree on the west side of the school near the swings. I was on the north side of the school hanging out with my friends playing hockey cards against the wall with a few friends. Recess ended, I went to class and the day continued. She being four grades behind me, I lined up at another door and did not witness the aftermath of “the beating” as it was henceforth referred to in our home. I only found out that something was up about thirty minutes later when I heard my father yelling from the quiet depths of the school “stand still you little fucker so I can remind you what its like to have someone kick your ass!”. This came from the principals office.
Background. My father was a bit like Captain Kirk. He was intelligent, a bit of a ladies man, quick to crack a joke and ready to fight a Gorn at the drip of a hat.
Further background. My principal was a red Corvette driving well dressed smooth talker who also was a bit of a 70s era schmoozer with the lady secretaries and teachers. He also went to school with my dad. He also tried to tell my dad that “everything was fine..” and that my father was “overreacting…”. Bad thing to tell an ex-army boxer who’s little girl just got beat up.
As I learned later, this was not simply one person cranking my sis in the mouth. It started that way but expanded to an actual lineup of people she had ticked off over the years, one after the other taking a swing at her.
In the end, no charges were laid, my sister recovered and became more grumpy in general, my father was restrained by a couple of male teachers who treated me really quite well for the remainder of my term and the following year. There is no moral to this tale. My dad got what he wanted by threatening to pummel someone. My sister named names and detention was meted out ( nowadays charges would have been lain along with multiple suspensions). She learned nothing. I benefited from the entire event in that teachers were afraid to even give me trouble which sadly I never put to use as I was a good kid who never got in trouble to begin with. No after school specials will ever be made with this tale.
It does however go to remind me that my father, flawed, a bit of an incessant liar, a bruiser at times, spoiled brat of a kid, a crappy husband and not the best parent, he wasn’t that bad when it counted.
Canada PM aide quits in expenses row http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-22592273
Been feeling like a bag of dirt past two weeks.. anniversary of my friend Brian dying, a year since MCA died, my looming 46th birthday, the realization that I fritter away a lot of my life, and the anniversary of Ian Curtis dying.. Cripes. THIS makes me happy though. Enjoy!